It’s never been easy to be me, I’ve faced heartache and painful realities since I was a young boy.
Death surrounded me and my family since I was a child with my Uncle, Grandma, and Great Aunt all passing away within a decade.
I said goodbye to my Mom unpredictably and was the first to find her in her home after a stroke.
A moment in time that will never leave my eyes or my mind.
I lost some of my closest friends and gave the Eulogy to my Best Mates service just -24 months ago.
I feared death and the thought of losing someone close to me so much I wouldn’t let anyone into my life or my heart.
I filled the massive wholes inside with as many exterior objects outside that always left me feeling empty, hollow and dark.
I was ruthlessly vacant from reality and hid the pain through abuse to my body, mind, and lifestyle.
The unhealthy-habits and toxic people I became, followed me around wherever I went and the dark cloud above my head never left.
I just believed that I was cursed and that some people were just born into FUCKED UP situations and others were given extraordinary opportunities.
I sedated myself into a massive black hole with only one exit strategy left, END IT ALL.
Not in some dramatic suicide fashion, no note, no despair, just me against the world looking for someone or something to take me out of my misery.
Going 100mph on my Harley, buying out the bar, drinking, and driving and my all time favorite picking a fight with the biggest badest guy I could find hoping he would knock me out for good!
This went on for almost 2 years burning down the road behind me and lighting fire to anything in front.
Then fate found it’s way back into my life, I took off for a weekend to go skiing and celebrate New Years 2006 in Lake Tahoe with a few friends.
I flew up to begin a 3-day bender designed to give me MORE of what I felt would help me through these tough times.
🧨 MORE fun
🧨 MORE friends
🧨 MORE drinks
🧨 MORE parties
🧨 MORE ego
I had barely arrived at the Hotel and Casino an hour before my buddy expressed his concern that my X was staying at the same Hotel, she was right here in the lobby, actually, she was right behind me at the bar,
LOOK BRO…SHE’S RIGHT THERE!
Before I even had a split second to think, react or feel she was standing right before me.
My high school sweetheart and childhood friend who’s last two interactions consisted of my Mom’s funeral in June 04’ and a drink being thrown in my face in Maui August 05’ was now standing 3 feet from my face.
I was scared, nervous and worried about what would happen next…
Turned into a deeper conversation, and of course a drink at the bar, an apology followed a few more stories, some laughs, some tears and a long walk back to my room.
We spent the next 3 days together and never once got on the slopes, she left New Year’s day for San Francisco and I headed back down to Palm Springs.
I had just spent New Year’s with “the one that got away” or if I could be more real with you “the one that I pushed away”.
I, of course, went back to my painful patterns and she left for the City to continue her dreams of changing the face of retail.
Within two weeks she called me, to tell me of the news that she had just received from her friends at “WHOLLY SHIT, I peed on a stick and it has the symbol + on it”.
She was pregnant!
And I the man who had looked at life negatively and lived my own life terribly was the reason WHY.
She was not as happy as I was, understandably so and began to ask the greatest question I have ever answered.
Why should we decide to do this?
My answer… because we can and we must!
Don’t do anything, I’m on my way up!
A short flight up the coast put me right back in front of the only woman I have ever known to believe in the POWER OF US, the man I was possible of becoming and the family we were capable of creating.
I spent a week maybe more negotiating, deliberating and discussing our MASTERPLAN.
⚡️It started with US
⚡️ It started with a BELIEF
⚡️ It started with a PURPOSE
⚡️ It started with a DECISION
⚡️ It started with a COMMITMENT
US = a relationship takes two people working together in harmony
BELIEF = trust, faith, confidence that something can exist without seeing it first
PURPOSE = determination, intention, deep-rooted desire to find fulfillment
DECISION = conclusion, resolution, an act of certainty
COMMITMENT = owning responsibility and desire to achieve success through dedication
We were now in complete alignment with where we were and where we were going.
We had no clue HOW, but it mattered little.
What mattered most was that WE were going to get married,
have a child and began building a family, together.
WE WERE GOING TO BE ONE!
And for the first time in my life at the age of 28, I felt LIGHT, a spark, and feeling that I had never experienced before.
🗝 I FELT ALIVE!
🗝 I FELT MY SOUL!
🗝 I FELT TRUE LOVE!
I felt like the weight of my life, the depths of my pain and the pit I had created had all been lifted.
🔒 WERE WE IDEAL? NO
🔒 WERE WE PERFECT? NO
🔒 WERE WE SATISFIED? NO
We still had a ton of work to do to hush the haters and follow our hearts but our family principals had been set and our foundation was built!
⛏ I moved to San Francisco [February 06’]
⛏ We got married in Las Vegas [May 06’]
⛏ Kanon was born in Los Angeles [October 06’]
⛏ And we moved our life to Scottsdale in [October 08’]
⛏ Camille was born in [June of 2010]
And we lived happily ever… HELL NO.
This picture is a reminder to us all that LIFE is possible for anyone who truly wants to change, transform and shift every aspect of their life into a healthy, happy, positive one and WHY I have dedicated my life to serving others, leading men and leading teams to achieve their greatness!
As long as you…
DONT STOP working, BELIEVING in each other, LIVING with a PURPOSE, making tough DECISIONS and staying COMMITTED.
HAPPY NEW NOW January 1st, 2019